No one feel obligated to read this. Not really looking for feedback or anything, just want to get something off my chest.
I. F***ING. HATE. MATH.
With a burning passion. If math was a cute puppy, I'd still kick it to the curb, because it is the most evil thing anyone has ever had to deal with.
I find that with time, math gets HARDER for me, rather than easier. I had always hoped that wouldn't be the case, but it isn't. And I don't mean in the way that Calculus is harder than Algebra, I mean that DOING ADDITION is harder for me now than it was when my parents sat me down for four hours at a time drilling me on this bs EVERY. SINGLE. DAY from third grade onward. Every extra class they ever sent me to. Every time I got something wrong and they'd be all "Really?" and stop helping me.
I only complain about it now (since I've finally finished college and never have to look at this ever again for as long as I live) because I have to learn accounting. Not want to. HAVE TO. For my own sake and others. This has to be the least likeable thing I've done in quite some time. I'd go back to doing 19 credits, plus three internships plus WORKING than doing this. And it's not the usual that you think is bad, no. I CAN'T ADD WORTH A DAMN.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN? This is something I've wondered since I was a child. I was told I was gifted to the point that my school wanted to put me in advanced learning (my parents said "no"), but I CAN'T DO MATH!?!?!?!? I managed to force myself to get into Pre-Calc in high school just to make my parents happy, staying up until 2 or 4 am EVERY NIGHT FOR TWO YEARS just to do this, and I CAN'T DO ADDITION?!?!?!?!
I know I've always sucked at it, and I always will, but COME ON. Why am I so bad at this stuff? And before anyone says "Well maybe you should try thinking positively about it" let me say "OH WOW! Think POSITIVELY about math? Well, golly gee whiz! If only I'd thought to try that A FEW HUNDRED TIMES, silly me! Yeah, let me sit down and lie to myself that this is easy, or fun, or great, or not actually THE WORST F***ING WASTE OF TIME THAT I'M REQUIRED TO DO!!" I have tried. I've tried so hard. There was a year when I actually enjoyed math. ONE. Then I started sucking at it again, and then came HOURS AND HOURS of my life dedicated to solving equation after equation until I couldn't take it anymore but still went on because my parents were never going to accept anything less than an A, and if I didn't get it, I could look forward to EVEN MORE WORK until I got it.
It's unreal that at my age I still have this trouble. That when I find myself struggling with something easy that I know I was able to do in grade school it makes me break down in tears. I do it over again. AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN. And I still fail. I wish I could fix it somehow. I do math problems to try and work out the nasty feelings I have about it, but all I do is screw up and hate it worse because I SUCK SO HARD AT IT. Practice doesn't make it better. Trying to make it fun doesn't make it better. I f***ing hate this so much you guys have no idea.
Like I said, sorry for the rant. Not really looking for anything, just wanted to "scream" as it were, so here it is.
tl;dr: I don't know why I suck at math, and nothing I've ever tried has made me suck at it less and I'm frustrated about it.
Listening to: Nutcracker Suite
Reading: ACCOUNTING BOOKS >:(
Playing: War in the North